A Higher Power..

Most people believe in their religion. Almost everyone believes in a specific god that is looking over them. God, Buddha, Jehovah, Jah they all have the same basic goal to save and protect us. Then there are those who don't believe in a god. Ignostics believe in a higher power but not a specific god. Does this mean that they could believe in the illuminati or something? Or does it mean that they just don't know? I like the fact that this is not accepting the big bang theory or any other scientific theories like that because those don't make any sense (in my opinion). How can some particles crash into eachother and create our system without any explination as to why those particles were there in the first place. Someone had to create the particles and space. There is no better answer then a god and in my case, God. I would like to hear an Atheist's comments on that. Sometimes I wonder if religion is just a moral system. Maybe someone just decided to write a book with a bunch of crazy stories, call it something epic like The Bible, and tell everyone to follow it just so that everyone becomes scared into obeying. I feel awful for thinking like that but sometimes it is interesting to think about the possibilities. The illuminati has been around since the beggining of time so maybe they started religion to control us to the maximum capability. The "third eye" or "all seeing eye" is constantly watching us. The illuminati is controling our minds by putting floride in our water, chemtrails over our heads, and explict videos and songs in our t.v.s and radios. Something bad is trying to take us over. Maybe the illuminati is the opposite of religion because religion is all good and happy. Why would God let devil worshipers control our lives and thoughts though? I think that famous people (mostly rappers with explicit songs) are all sent or found by the illuminati, put on t.v. because the illuminati controls t.v. and then made big so that the world can see them and hear their messages. Then we sing along to catchy yet gross lyrics to make us more dumb and worse people then a lot of us already are. CBS is one of the biggest networks in the world, is it wierd that their sybol is an eyeball (the third eye) or is it just because we view it with our eyes. And isnt it funny how all these famous rappers or pop sensations are throwing up curious hand symbols? I have noticed so many artist cover up one eye in there music videos and with their outfits. This is an illuminati sign! I probably sound insane but thats ok because it is so interesting to think about and it is whats on my mind and has been for this whole week so I might as well write about it.

I Am Moving To Key West.

I decided I am running away to Key West, Florida. All you do there is party. Sounds like a good life to me. I would'nt need a man. I'd be too busy partying with the tourists every single night and lounging on the beach during the day. I would'nt work. A lot of people don't there. I would build my own shack and be a homeless hippy. I would probably learn how to play the banjo or ukelele so that I could make a few dollars to eat everyday. We're all going to die someday, I mean why not just do whatever. Anyways, my life would be better in Key West. I would'nt have to worry about girls sleeping with my boyfriends like they do here. I wish I could be a robot. Why did I have to be born a human? God could have made me a fish. I would have been so content and emotionless. I would'nt realize what I was missing out on in life because I just wouldnt know or be able to figure it out. Id just be a dumb little fishy. This makes me seem like I hate my life. I am thankful for what God gave me, don't get me wrong. I feel like if I talk about how I hate my life then the guy from the movie Saw will come kidnapp me and torture me until I realize how good I have it. (Thats what they do in the movie so thats why I think that). In the movie they kidnap a man who tried committing suicide because he hated his life, then they tortured him because he was selfish by not realiIng what he had. This is getting really creepy for me...annnnyyyways. I am going to think of things that make me happy now. Key lime pie, hotel rooms, the smell of babies, the color salmon, bubble baths, taking a good picture, laughing attacks, picking out an outfit the night before, guilt free eating, understanding the math lessons, big hair, music about partying, having a good day, painting my nails, captain crunch with crunch berries, Thai and Japanese food, anyone with gages, text messages from unknown numbers, candles, heated seats, blue tennis courts, fire places, animal rugs, pranks, surprises, honey crisp apples, clothes under ten dollars. Ahhh, much better.

Getting Older

All of my friends are older then me. I usually see this as a disadvantage until I really think about it. When you're very young you look forward to getting older so you can go to middle school where you will meet new kids and not stay in the same classroom for every subject. When you're in middle school you can not wait to be older so you can have your first boyfriend. When you get a little older you just want to be in high school already. Freshman year it is all about not being a freshman, you want that senority and respect. Sophomore year you just want to turn 16 so you can get your licence. Junior year you want to ve a senior already and get out of the hick town you're stuck in. Then you want to be 18...free from major rules you have been struggling with your whole high school career, being able to get into most clubs, buying cigarettes and sticks at the gas station even if it's just for the hell of it. Then you want to be 21 so you can go bar hopping and legally drink. I don't really know whats next maybe a few years older so you can be officially done with college and find that career that your parents and teachers have been helping you get since day one. Maybe it's getting married or buying your first house. All that excitment covers the first 25 or so years of your life but then what do you have to look forward to for the next 65 years of your life? Now I am scared to get older. And I hate how the years that should be the best ones of your life (16, 18, 21) are matched with things that bring them down..like for example when youre 16 you get your licence but what do you use it for? To drive back and forth to school. When youre 18 or 21 your busy with work and college so you have to limit yourself on fun. Why can't there be a year where you can do something amazing and you're not allower to work or go to school? I wish that when you turned 21 you could take a year off of everytthing and just enjoy yourself and dedicate that year to crazy partying. I bet if I asked my parents what they would look forward to they would say something like watching you and your brother get older and play sports and what not. That's sweet and all but what if I don't want kids? I would rather spend my hard earned money on expensive vacations for me and my husband or weekly message appointments. That's not shallow, that's a life style decision. I think I can wait to become older now. Driving back and forth to the same job I have been at for 30 years, doing the dishes and laundry that I have done a million times, paying bills, ugh. I am actually depressing myself by writing this right now.

Being Barbie

I am about to sound very shallow but I dont give an effff. I like to look pretty all the time. This means if I have to be late for school so I can get my eyelashes to be perfectly curled and mascarad then I will be late without a doubt. Being a "Barbie" is my favorite though. This is when you don't exactly dress like the Barbie Doll that we all played with growing up but more like perfectly girly. Wearing lots of pink and short skirts is the key for dressing. Blonder hair and baby pink lips are important too. Tanning is a no brainer. We all know there are no pasty barbies out there. I like dressing up my friends to look precious too. Today during lunch I convinced my friend into giving her the signature "barbie lips". To achieve this look you have to start by putting cover up on your lips so they are completely nude, then you go over them with pale pink to make them more noticable, then you put gloss over them to make your lips extra shiney. My friend Megan always makes so much fun of me. She calls barbie lips my "powdered donut lips". The fact is, I know I am ridiculous but I dont care. It makes me happy and I like how I present myself. It shows that I care. My friend Erica is the queen of the Barbie look. She has bleach blonde hair, an orange tan, wears pink bows in her hair, and hads the nuddest make-up. She looks like an exact Barbie replica. I am not a big fan of this look because it is wayyy too fake. My friend Annely is reading my blog and she says I am really concited. Im not..I just think this is something I can write a lot about (she was joking by the way). I think all of this is just me striving to be perfect. I can't get great grades, I am lazy, and often in a bad mood..but at least I can say that I care about my apperance unlike a lot of people now a days. The whole point for me is so I can be happy. The better I look the happier I am. This is a fact of life! I mean really, who doesnt get mad when recieving compliments? People don't need happy pills they need a good closet full of clothes and the make-up basics! I think I am trying to make up for lost time from when I was younger. When I was little I was an ugly duckling. I was super awkward and didn't know where I belonged or how I was supposed to act. I had glasses, a gap between my front teeth, braces, and no sense of what looked good. Now that I have it figured out I just want to flaunt my confidence! Now where is my Ken...

There Are So Many Different Personalities In The World!

Sitting at my lunch table I can't help but notice how different everyone is. From the way they look, to the things they talk about, to the way they talk about them. Why did God chose to give that specific person that specific personality and look? (That sentence is for you who actually believe in God). Why do pretty girls almost always have a bad attitude? I wonder if they were born like that or if society changed them into monsters. Personaly I blame society. That is until you actually get to be close with a person. I think if you grew up with a person, that is the only way you know there true personality and who they truley are. The friends I have that i've lnown for a long time all have opposite personalitys. For example, Annely is the whitest Mexican I know. Shes really spastic, dramatic, and happy all the time. My favorite thing about her is that she is racist...against Mexicans. Then theres Sydni, she has everything in the world but will never be happy. She could be a great girl but her parents divorce ruined her and made her super spoiled, i mean shes gorgeous, has a brialliant sense of humor, and makes everyone laugh because she is an easy target (like if you touch her neck she will instantly have a panic attack and make wierd noises and it takes her ten times longer to do everthing like take a shower or finish a story. I wish I could control my personality to make myself into the perfect person! Or at least someone that makes me and everyone else happier. I want to take all my favorite personalities out of my friends and shove them into someone else and make a super friend! Maybe there is someone out there like that in Liverpool or Rome. No one understands this girl or she is just normal to everyone else but to me she would be the perfect friend. I always think about crazy stuff like this. What if there is a person out there that could pass as my twin? What if someone has the same personality as me?
             There are so many people who I like to make up personalities for too. If I do not know them that well but I see them and hear them talk often, I like to think that I know all about them. For example, (please dont get mad Ms. Johnson I swear I mean this in a positive way!) I secretly think my English teacher smokes pot. She is very smart and sees thing in a completly different light then I would ever see it. Not to mention she is very relaxed and not like the normal teacher. I feel like since her personality is the way it is, she must be a certain way. I'm also like this with my friend Allexa. She has so many friends at school but she never talks about her home life, ever. So you would think that she just hangs out with all her different friends all the time but i secretly thinks she sits at home watching movies and goes on family trips alot! Personalities are so decieving! I love how everone is so different.

The Perfect Dress?

I want to be stunning for homecoming this year. All the years before I have had tennis tournaments that give me fifteen minutes to get ready for the secong biggest highschool dance. My hair always ends up looking like POOP. Not this year though, nope, not happening. I scheduled a hair and makeup appointment already, i'm going all out! My date is a cutie named Jose so we are sure to look sexy. One problem, the dress I ordered doesn't fit. I found a simple yet different dress online that I love. It was pretty expensive (compared to my twenty dollar Homecoming dresses in the past) but as soon as my mom saw it, she agreed it had to be bought. I ordered the dress and about a week and a half later the Fed-Ex man dropped it off. So excited, I went straight to my room and put it on. OMG. I could have flexed and busted out of that dress. Everything was great, except the booty was designed for a model with no butt. Seriously, I am no model. Me and my mother sent it back and ordered the next bigger size. It came in another week later. Of course, it is too big. Whatever, I am just going to have someone else fix it. This will not bring me down though. SENIOR YEAR HOMECOMING LET'S GO!!!!

I Think I Am Going Crazy.

In the past month I have been worrying myself. It's not that I have done bad things, just things that aren't like the old me. For one, I have been nicer. This is a big deal to me because I have always had a short fuse. Talking back is my specialty. I have also heard I am remembered as the "hot bitch" to people who dont know me personally at school. That is my identifier. I can't control that I have a serious personality and a straight face all the time. I think I got this from my dad. I love him but he is the most strict, neat freak, not-so-nice man I know. Back to my recent change. With all this niceness came wierdness. I listen to the same song, "Motivation" by Kelly Rowland over and over again. No other songs. I talk to my friend Megan in my sleep when she spends the night. She says I act "possessed". The other night she woke up to find me staring at her. I don't remember doing this because I was totally sleeping! Apparently, I also violently pull the covers over my head and I even punched her in the face once. I do not recall ever being like this. I have also stopped eating as much as I used to. This is wierd becasue eating is my favorite past time. Im also almost scared of going to sleep now because of the ridiculous and sometimes teriffying dreams I have. I haven't been eating late at night or watching scary movies before bed, the dreams just happen. Weather it be negative or positive, i'm not sure, i'm just glad I can recognize something strange is happening to me.